Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Besides Jake, my three best guy friends are Mackay, Danny, and Ron. Not in that order, or any other order. They're pretty much equal. The three of them are the reason I love Telecom, because they're all in it with me. Some days I hate it, because some days they don't really pay much attention to me. But I'm okay with that, because that makes days like today and Monday so great. I already talked about Monday yesterday, so now I'll talk about today ^-^

There was a lot of the normal back and forth banter between the four of us. We moved topics so quickly it was sometimes hard to keep up. We talked about how slings are like bras for your arms and good friends are like bras for your soul, because they're supportive. We referenced ALL the memes! We talked about how Mackay is gay for chocolate and wants all of it inside of him. We talked about how horrible I am with guns and video games. We talked about Danny's girlfriend and his constant flirtation with/serenading of other girls. We talked about Clay's shortcomings. We talked about Monster. We talked about how repulsive Mackay is without his glasses. And we got into a serious discussion for the first time in the history of Telecom. I've had serious conversations with Danny, and with Mackay, and with Ron, but never all at once. 

Mackay put his glasses on my desk and then put his head down on his own. Danny left to go take his meds. Mackay somehow fell asleep even with Ron tormenting him (Mackay is SUPER ticklish). Danny came back and sat in his seat behind Mackay. He reached forward and grabbed Mackay's... I don't even know what I'm supposed to call them. If Mackay was a girl, I'd call them his breasts. Does that apply to guys? I don't knooooow. Anyways, Mackay sat up after a couple of seconds where he just looked confused. I made him put his glasses back on (I'm the only one who has a real problem with him not wearing his glasses, the others just play along). He commented how awkward it was to wake up like that, and that he wouldn't even wake up his girlfriend like that. I commented that I'd been woken up like that several times and it definitely wasn't pleasant. He asked who by, and I said Jason. 

The three of them started making little jokes about how creepy that was. Stuff like "Why, hello there *pretends to grab boobs*" because that's just the sense of humor Mackay and Danny have. I find it funny, and if I didn't I know they'd stop. Once they got it out of their system, Mackay said, "Please tell me that's the worst of what he did." I responded, "Do you want me to tell you that or do you want me to be honest?" Ron told me to be honest. So I was. I didn't go into huge detail, and I had to make them infer stuff sometimes because I wasn't comfortable coming out and saying it, but I told them pretty much everything Jason did to me. The only other one who's gotten that much detail is Jake. It felt good to actually say some of that stuff and watch their expressions. When I told Jake, it was through written word. I wrote everything down and he took it home with him and read it over the weekend. When Ron noticed me struggling to get words out, he reached over and started rubbing my arm. He told me that he was really sorry that it happened and that I deserved way better. Danny and Mackay started talking about how much they disliked Jason for what he did and what they wanted to do to him ;) 

It felt really really good to tell them. I count them among my best friends (along with Jake and Mary, of course, and Selby, and Zach and Moxi to a slightly lesser extent). At one point when I was trying to say what I count as the very worst of what he did, Mackay said "Just say it. It's okay. You know we won't judge." And it's true. They didn't. The reason I haven't told a lot of people is for two reasons. One, I don't want them to worry about me. That's more for people like my mom and Mary (although I'm willing to tell Mary if she really wants to know). The reason for most people is that I don't want them thinking I'm damaged. When I think about August, I feel damaged and dirty. But the three of them made it very clear they viewed him as the disgusting one, and me as the poor naive little victim. And then they made horribly awful jokes that almost offended me, but most of my hurt reactions were just playing along. They stopped when I started crying (let's not talk about how I became a beast at faking tears... let's just say I was a manipulative child at recess in elementary school and leave it at that. I'll be the first to admit I wasn't such a good person at nine years old :P). 

I left Telecom feeling very loved, and a bit better about August. Also, Ron gave me a cookie. They're all very good bras ;D

Song of the Day- "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5

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