Wednesday, June 20, 2012


I don't know if it was the happy ending of the book I stayed up all night to read or the fact that I was up for the sunrise or the fact that I've got coffee brewing (never tasted it, but it sure smells good and I need the caffeine), but I am in a wonderful mood. Everything seems beautiful right now. Even just the fact that I'm alive and able to think these thoughts is beautiful. I can't even put it in to words. I'm trying, but it's just... it's just beautiful.

Also, before writing this, I went to Tumblr and lost the feeling. And then I saw a picture of a corgi puppy in a baby swing and regained it.

I'm tired. I'll try again later.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Prometheus Midnight Showing

I went to see Prometheus at midnight the other night with Mackay. It was a stupid decision for so many reasons, some I'll share here and some I won't, but I'm so glad that I did it. Not because I enjoyed the movie, although I did mostly like the stuff my face wasn't covered for, but because I was scared to do it- I was scared to ask for permission, I was scared to go without being able to prove I'm old enough, I was scared to watch it, I was scared to be in a theater with a guy who could overpower me (not because I didn't trust him, but because that's where I was abused for the first time and I was afraid of flashbacks)- and I did it anyway. 

We got to the theater, bought our tickets with no difficulty, and rejoiced at one step down. We waited in line to go into the actual theater. The lady asked for our IDs. Mackay showed his and told her that I was seventeen but didn't have my ID on me. She said that even though we'd bought the tickets, she couldn't let us in without seeing proof that I was seventeen. When Mackay finally gave up arguing, we went and stood in the lobby, trying to figure out what we were going to do instead. Then a guy who had been a couple people behind us in line called us over. Mackay looked at me with half a grin and said "It looks like your luck's about to change." The guy, who looked old enough to be my dad, said we were with him, and she let us in. We thanked him profusely once out of earshot and kept near him until we were out of her sight.

We went into the theater and it was packed. We found two seats near the middle. Mackay took the one next to a guy, I took the one next to a girl. He asked me if I would be okay with all the people around. I told him yes.

The movie was good, although I'm not usually big on that type of movie. I did spend a good majority of it with my face covered. Mackay later said that anytime he heard any sort of whimpering noise, he looked over and sure enough, there I was, spazzing out. He patted my arm several times. It was nice that I could focus on him when I was freaking out, though, because he's probably the person I trust the most besides Neil.

After the movie was over, he drove me home. I thanked him for the movie and then ran upstairs to sleep in my mom's bed, more than slightly spooked. Three hours later, I took a final exam, and hopefully passed it? Yeah, the movie wasn't the best timing, but it was worth it nonetheless. 

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Goodbye Class of 2012

Graduation for the graduates of my high school was earlier this week. I'm proud of myself for how well I've been doing. Freshman year, I pretty much started crying at the beginning of May and didn't stop until halfway through June. I think it was mainly because I saw graduation as my senior friends leaving forever, and most of my friends were seniors. A few of them stuck around for a while, and a good amount still pop up now and then. Then last year, I cried a lot randomly throughout May, and then sobbed through the second half of graduation until I fell asleep, and then didn't really cry about it until band camp rolled around and I realized how many of the important people in band were no longer there. I see one of my friends from class of 2011 almost as much as I did when we went to school together. And this year I only cried for a few minutes at graduation, which I'll get to in a bit. 

The last week of senior classes was equal parts difficult and nice. I tried not to think about having to go to Telecom and not sit next to Mackay or not being able to meet up with Matt and Alex in the morning. Mackay paid me more attention than usual. He dragged me to lunch with him several days, which terrified me (because of the cafeteria) and pleased me (because I got to spend time with him). Since I didn't have a yearbook, I asked him to write or draw something on the back cover of the notebook I use for everything. He wrote "It's not like us seniors are disappearing, Delaney. Look at George ******. THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY GEORGE ******. GEORGE ****** KNOWS ALL. -**** Mackay." He's still been texting me and messaging me on Facebook, and we're even going to see Prometheus at midnight tonight. Hopefully. I'm old enough to go, but I don't have a driver's license to prove it, so... He says that if they won't let me in, we'll go find someplace still open to spend the money that we would have used on tickets, which surprised me. He's the one who wants to go see this movie (I'm just going because it sounds okay, it gets me out of the house, and my mom shocked me by saying yes to it). 

So about how I cried at graduation. There's this guy who was always hanging out in the library. His name is Dustin. He's more of Alex, Matt, and Moxi's friend than mine, but I still call him my friend and stick up for him when necessary. He's in a wheelchair. If I had to guess, I'd say he has cerebral palsy just because he reminds me of a kid in a book I read who has cerebral palsy, but I really don't know. He's definitely physically disabled, but not mentally. Anyways, he's in one of those motorized wheelchairs. There was another guy in a wheelchair that graduated, and everyone cheered for him (compared to just people who knew him, like it was for everyone else). So when Dustin got a lot of cheers, I shrugged it off at first as nothing. Then people started standing up and continued cheering long enough that the person announcing the names had to stop and wait. I stood up a bit to see (it's hard to see from the floor where I was with the rest of the band) and started crying as I saw that he was walking across the stage. Granted, he was using a walker, but he was on his feet. I'm still tearing up now thinking about it. I'm so impressed by him and so proud of him and... it was just beautiful. I'm so happy I was able to see that.