Sunday, October 9, 2011

Fishies, Ludo, and Why I'm Still Alive

We got fish today ^-^



I lieks fishies. 

So my favorite band ever, of all time, hands down, is Ludo. They are beyond words amazing. They have a HUGE variety of songs, and they're just all around great. I saw them in concert for the first time this past July. In fact, it was my first concert, and definitely the best one to start off with. The tickets were only $18 each (although for me and Jake they were free because they were paid for by my ex before he became my ex ^-^). They were actually at a bar instead of at a huge stadium or something, so it was really up-close and personal. In fact I was close enough to grab the Moog player's hand when he leaned forward (which caused me to squeal like a fangirl because I love him even more than I love the lead singer which is saying something). It was just an amazing concert. I got bored earlier and started going through the videos from that night, which is what started this topic ^-^ For my reaction to the concert the day after, click here.

Going through those videos made me start thinking about how great that night was, and how big a contrast it was to what had happened in the weeks before and after. July was just a really bad months. I had been going out with a guy named Clay for about five and a half months, and a week and a half before the concert he broke up with me. I actually didn't find out the real reason (my asexuality) until this past week. I knew the reason he gave me was crap from the start, though. I really depended on him a lot and trusted him way more than I should have, so the break-up sent me into a really bad depression. Then about a week after the concert, my beloved rabbit died. It was just a sucky month. But that night... that night was amazing. One of the best nights of my life. And I guess that's a big reason I have resolved to never ever commit suicide no matter how bad my depression gets. Because through all that horrible stuff, there was still that night. There will always be something like that to make me happy. There will always be silver linings. And there will always be someone to pick me up from off the ground, whether it's a friend like Jake or Mary, or a stranger like Tim Convy, or myself sometimes. It'll always get better, and there will always be a Ludo concert to live for ^-^

On the topic: Another reason I'll never commit suicide. I had a friend last year who had depression who I'd talk to over text. She'd ask how I was, and I'd answer honestly. Once we were done talking about whatever was up at the moment, I'd ask her how she was and she'd respond "Meh, doesn't matter." I asked her one time why she always said that. She responded something along the lines of "Because you're the one who matters because I think you've got a better shot than me." And she's not around anymore. So I guess she's one reason I'm gonna keep fighting- because she thought I could.

Song of the Day: "Rotten Town" by Ludo

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