Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Pissed. Off.

There are a couple of nice, happy cheerful blog posts coming up. This is not one of them. 

So I had this friend, who turned out not to be such a great friend after all. I first met him on AVEN. I befriended him even though I suspected from the start that he was close minded, because the first post I ever saw from him was asking how a gray-ace (one that is between asexual and sexual) could possibly exist. Now, I can understand his question. It was the way he worded it. It wasn't "how does this work?" It was "You're all wrong. You're either sexual or asexual. There is no middle ground." It was small-minded and hurtful to me as a gray-ace. But I still became friends with him, because I knew from other posts he made later that he needed a friend. 

It turned out to be a huge mistake. I introduced him to Mary, and that was a mistake as well. He turned out to be not that good of a friend. In fact, honestly, he turned out to be a horrible friend. If he needed to talk to someone, we had to immediately drop everything and tend to him. If we went more than a day without starting a conversation with him, or if we were too busy to get back to him when he sent us a message, he accused us of being selfish and not caring about him. If we needed some time to ourselves, suddenly we're "shutting him off." He constantly would tell us that he's giving up, and then delete his Facebook and stop going on AVEN. He'd post a blog post about how no one cared about him, and people would feel bad for him and let him wallow some more. Then a week later, he'd come crawling back, apologizing for being a terrible person and telling us that if we never want to talk to him again, he'd understand. And we'd take him back. Me because I felt guilty. Her because she's a good person and she cared about him. 

But tonight, I am done. 

Ron and I broke up today, and I'm not talking to this "friend" anymore. I am just done. I'm done with people expecting me to do everything for them, and I'm done with being accused of doing wrong just because my internet's acting up again or I'm too depressed to get out of bed. Because you know what? Shit happens, okay? You can't expect everyone to be there for you every second of the day. I'm done wondering if I've lost him for good. I'm done with the emotional rollercoaster. I'm done feeling guilty. 

I understand needing people. Hell, I need Mary so bad sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't hear from her. But what he doesn't seem to understand is that other people have lives and problems too. Friendships are two-way streets. I help you, you help me. It goes both ways. I know not all relationships are fifty/fifty. I've been in a lot that are more like seventy/thirty. But it should never be one hundred/zero. That's not friendship, that's counselling, and that requires payment. So I guess even that's not one hundred/zero. (Math Joke: 100/0 isn't possible anyway, you can't divide by zero). When it comes time for the giver to take, the taker should be understanding and willing to pay back their debts. That's just the way it works. At least in my mind. 


Song of the Day: "Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet" by Fall Out Boy (keeps getting stuck in my head)

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