Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Freaking Love My Friends

Last week, I came to the conclusion that my relationship with Ron was one of those "one-way-street" deals that I'm trying to get rid of, especially when he stopped showing up to places he said he would. Because of this, I was in a bad mood at lunch on Friday. I sat down on the couch with Matt and Moxi. Matt picked up on it within a minute. He and Mox worked to cheer me up, and they indulged me and my childish behavior, but they did not pressure me to tell them what was wrong. Joey came super late, but he still came. He sat next to me on the couch and rubbed my back right below the neck where it always hurts. I got tons of hugs from him. I left the library feeling much better.

Saturday was my birthday party. Ron was supposed to come, but he texted me at 4:58 that afternoon: "Hey i dont think ill be able to go now :( mii and my mother had another argument ( which happends a lot ). N she wont let mii go anywhere now. Im sorry... :'(" I texted back "Alright. See you on Tuesday." He never responded.

I decided not to let it bother me. Selby, Neil, and George were all super early, so the four of us hung out together. Raved about things like our love of countries like Finland, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, etc., as well as Woodrow Wilson and Winston Churchill, and our dislike of France and Teddy Roosevelt, and our pity for Russia. Played with the puppy. Stuff like that.

Then Moxi's group arrived. It was her, and her boyfriend Alex, and Joey and his girlfriend Avalon who is Moxi's godsister. Matt arrived a little later. Then Adam's gang arrived. It was him, his girlfriend Brenna, our friend Paul who I'll get to in a separate post because this will be very long anyway, and Jake. My friend Brittany pulled up at the same time. We showed Joey and Paul how much they look alike, and then the two groups kind of split for the majority of the rest of the night. They don't like each other much because of some drama that happened between Adam and Moxi. But they coexisted for me.

The party was just... it was great. I felt loved and wanted. People were happy. My mom and Molly (things are going great with her, by the way) kinda just stayed upstairs the whole time, but that was okay. I took a bunch of pictures, but was constantly leaving my camera places. We confiscated the cheeseballs from Paul and Adam because they couldn't stop eating them. I got some pretty awesome presents which you can see here, as well as a gift certificate to my favorite store from Neil (which isn't pictured because I'm not quite sure where I put it after showing my mom...).

Near the end of the party, I got super-emotional. It was pretty bad. When Adam said he needed to take Brenna and Paul home (I'd given them Benadryl earlier and they both chose the dosage that I warned always knocked me out, and they were asleep in my hallway), I got very close to tears. I hugged Paul like three times, and begged him to be my older brother. He responded "I've always wanted a sister" but his words were super-slurred so everyone told me to ask him again later :P (I ended up asking him again last night. "You're already like a little sister to me! I've told everyone that. xD")

Then it was just me, Matt, Neil, Moxi, and Alex. We hung out in my green room, and I started crying. They all ignored it, but it wasn't the bad ignore. It was the "we realize you're hurting, and we're kinda confused, but you're trying to hide it so we won't make a big deal of it" ignore again. I love that type of ignore. Mox, Alex, and Matt sat on the love seat, and Neil and I both laid down on the floor using my giant stuffed husky as a pillow. We cracked jokes and poked fun and overall just acted like the great group of friends we've become. Alex and Matt have always been tight, and Moxi's dating Alex and they are so in love it's adorable, and Moxi introduced me to them and I dragged Neil along with me. All we were missing was Zach, who is Matt's best friend after Alex. I have more to say about them, but I'll get to that another time.

Eventually Matt pointed out the time and offered Neil a ride home (Moxi and Alex had already arranged to get a ride from him). Matt asked if I wanted him to take Neil. I told him that I didn't want any of them to leave, but if any of them had to leave I wanted them all to leave at once, like ripping off a band-aid. I got hugs from everyone, and they left. And I started sobbing.

It took me a little while to figure out why I was crying so hard. At first I didn't think it was tears of joy, because they don't leave me sobbing. One thing I've noticed about me, though: when I'm depressed, and someone compliments me or show they care, I get teary-eyed. I just got out of a depression that day, and I was still feeling the after-effects. Then I went through... seven hours of people showing that they cared, and I kinda just exploded.

On Sunday, I got to thinking. I have amazing friends. They are absolutely wonderful. I texted Moxi when I had calmed down enough to see.
"Are you guys all still in the same car?"
"Yes <3"
"Can you make everyone promise to not leave me permanently?"
"Matt says he can do that. Alex says of course. Luke" (they call Neil Luke because it bugs me) "says yes. And I say herp derp. <3"
I believe them. And I know Mary will never leave me, and Selby says I'm not allowed to abandon her so it should go both ways, and I've got all these other friends who I don't think are going to leave me alone anytime soon. So what if some people don't want to be my friends? So what if people leave me? So what if people use me? I still have my friends. And if some of them end up being those people who leave, it's okay. I'll make more. So many people come in and out of my life. Even in the past few days I think I've made a new friend on AVEN. So if I'm left by a few, I'll still have others. And even if all my friends leave, I'll still have my family. I won't be alone. I don't need to desperately cling to relationships that aren't healthy for one party or the other. That's a really comforting realization. And for the first time in a long time, I can honestly say I've gone six days being completely content. I hope they continue. 

Song of the Day: "I Can Walk on Water" by Basshunter

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