Today is December eleventh. Two years ago today, I attempted suicide for the third time. I haven't since.
About two weeks prior, I had passed Bryar a note during Health. "If I died, would you miss me?"
He looked at me for a second, and then started writing. When he handed it back, the bottom was folded up. He had written "Of course not. I'd throw a party to celebrate."
I shot him a dirty look and said "I'm serious."
He smiled mischievously and unfolded it for me. The bottom of the paper read "Of course, Delaney. This class would be boring as hell without you."
Flash forward two weeks. To be honest, I can't even remember what set me off. I just remember sobbing and getting my sleeping pills from downstairs (I was a horrible insomniac then). I had half a bottle in my hand when I realized that I wanted to leave a note. I searched through my room and the first paper I found had already been written on. "If I died, would you miss me?"
I started crying even harder and put down the pills.
Today is also significant in that it is exactly one year since meeting Clay. For the third time, but we don't count the first two. Before one year ago tonight, all he had said to me was "Why are you taking pictures of everyone but me?" and all I'd said to him was "Sorry."
It was one of Bryar's event things. We were playing Cops and Robbers at one of the local elementary schools. Jason gave me a hiding spot and said "If anyone sees you, run that way." Clay came along, and I did as I was told. Little did we know "that way" was directly into a thorn bush. Clay laughed and left. He came back later when our friend Jimmy was trying to scare me out of it. He asked me to just come out.
"What do I get out of it?"
"I dunno. What do you want? A hug?"
At this, I nodded enthusiastically. I freaking love hugs. I slowly started to climb out, getting many more cuts along the way. He offered to help me, but I responded with the "I got it" that I use when I'm trying to be independent. When I got out, he hugged me and started walking me to "jail." He gave me his hat to stem the bleeding, but I just held it. I didn't want to get blood on his hat!
Throughout the night, I spent a lot of time talking to him. He and Jason tickled me a lot. They also played keep-away with Bun Bun >.< At the end, I left with Bryar to take a couple of girls back to his house to get their car. Before I left, I went over to Clay for a final hug. He said "Hold on a second" and then slid his hand up my side towards my boob. He stopped before he got there, though, and once I realized what he was pretending to do, I jumped back and started screaming at him for "raping" me. He laughed and said that that's not his style.
We all went to dinner a little later at Cici's. He said he had enough to pay for a couple of people. I hid my wallet and asked him to pay for me, saying "With what you did at the school, you might as well buy me dinner." He begrudgingly did. We sat next to each other and I flirted hard all night.
At one point, Clay went to get more pizza. Some of the guys at the table added a bunch of stuff to his drink. Parmesan cheese, pepper, vegetable soup, all sorts of stuff. He came back and took a drink. I started giggling uncontrollably. He asked what was so funny, and I just shook my head and calmed down. He didn't notice anything in the drink until he'd finished it and there was stuff on the bottom.
We didn't talk besides a little bit of flirting over Facebook for about a month. Then I started seeing him every weekend, and then everyday, and then eventually we started dating.
So yeah. Today's a bittersweet day. But it's mostly been good.
Song of the Day: "You Suck at Love" by Simple Plan (really into them right now for some reason)