Wednesday, December 21, 2011

An Open Letter to Our Former Anchor

Warning to my readers: This could get ugly.

Dear Sir:
You may wonder why I'm calling you sir. First off, I don't want to use your name, because I'm about to totally rip on you and I don't want to attach your name to this. Second off, you seem to be better than all of us, so I figured you deserve a title? Am I right?
From all the fuss I've heard from you, first-hand and through others, I've gathered you've been removed from your position. And since I've only heard fuss from you, I guess the rest of the talent is exactly the same.
Wait a minute. They're not? Everyone's been switched around? Oh. Okay. Well, you must have been taken off the show completely.
Wait. You're audio engineer? Oh. Okay. Well, you must not have been taken off because there was no one to replace you.
What was that? There are plenty of people who aren't on the show because although they have the potential, there just aren't enough spots? Oh. Okay. Well, it sounds like this is going to make it harder for you to get into and succeed in college.
Huh? This will actually benefit you? You mean, colleges are looking for well-rounded people who have done more than one thing? And you mean you'll be getting more experience with more jobs this way, getting you even more ahead than most others? And you've already sent out your college applications? Oh. Okay. I guess it was because of your scarf, then. I mean, Freids does make fun of you a lot for it. He must be a homophobe.
Excuse me? A bunch of people who don't wear scarves lost their part, too? Oh. Okay. Well, I guess it's not fair because you're the best anchor our show has ever had.
Did I hear you right? No, I didn't, because you stumbled through your lines and even went off script even though you were looking directly at a teleprompter. But I guess you're still pretty good. So yeah, it sucks that you're the only one who lost their part you got taken off the show you were only kept on because there was no one else there you can't get into college you're being discriminated against YOU'RE A WHINY BITCH WHO NEEDS TO GROW UP.
*calms down*
Sir. You didn't get fired. It was fair. This is actually helping you in the long run. And no, it's not about the scarf. So just chill. Get over yourself. It's not the end of the world. It's okay to be disappointed, it's not okay to try to organize a school wide protest and make everyone hate a great teacher because you didn't get your way.
A lowly junior

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